I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize