I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just invented taco cereal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
