I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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