I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
