Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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