she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
