i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
