his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize