All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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