If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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