Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
