Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
