the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
