Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
