The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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