Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
