Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just want to make out with him forever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
