I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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