First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
