I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
