If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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