Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
