he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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