Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
