i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize