So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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