My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
