I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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