That's intense
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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