just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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