the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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