You made me cry and you don't even care
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
