after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
