I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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