i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
