Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
