If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
