I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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