just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
