Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
