im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
