Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
