Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
