Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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