my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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