the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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