If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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