Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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