Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is wine microwaveable?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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