Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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