I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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