Im at strip club and am horny
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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