Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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