I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
