I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
