At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
