Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
