ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize