...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
