I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
