whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
