True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
