Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
