all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize