Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
