the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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