That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
