What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
