You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
