boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
