And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
