On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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