Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
