Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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