I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
