Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
