He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
