Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
