Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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