I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
