I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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