If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Two words: nipple clamps
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